Heart of the Hero
by CynaraStuart
Summary: Female PC Mage/Cullen after the arch-demon is killed.
1. Martyr

Heart of the Hero

Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware and not to me.

Authors note: Female PC Mage and Cullen. I read what we become, by Crisium and fell in love with the story line for a Cullen romance. I thought i would give it a shot. Some spoilers, naturally. First Dragon Age story. First published fan-fiction ever actually. Please be nice. I'm still getting used to all of this.

Chapter 1: Martyr

It was the first time they had seen her look so free. Her arms were up and she was dancing in a circle. Round and round she went, with the biggest smile they had ever seen. She had never looked this beautiful before, with the bonfire casting a glow that lightened her face, and the free aura that surrounded her. No cadge could've held her.

You couldn't help but stare. Surrounded by the people who have been with her for the last year. All of whom were extremely loyal, and loved her to a fault. Especially one of them. Alastair stared harder than anyone. He was trying to think of a way where he could keep her forever. It wasn't fair that he was made king, without the ability to marry the one person that he wanted to. The only person that he truly loved. She was bouncing around the fire like she had not a care in the world. It was beauty in the rawest form. He wanted to keep her in that state forever. To make her smile the way she is smiling right now… forever.

She looked around turning in every direction before finally stopping in front of what she wanted. Walking right up to Knight-commander Gregior, she held out her hands with a giggle and pulled him into the throng of dancing bodies. Moving her feet to the Celtic rhythm. It was a beautiful sight to see. She looked like one with nature.

This was the biggest celebration that Ferelden had ever seen. Everyone was dancing in the street, not a care in the world. Especially not the Hero of Ferelden. She couldn't help but feel the giant weight of the Arch Demon lift from her shoulders. She could finally be a 17 year old girl. This was the happiest she had ever felt. Surrounded by the people she loved. And being able to celebrate with all of Ferelden. Tomorrow, tomorrow she would turn back into Elena Amell, Mage and hero of Ferelden, back into a pumpkin. But not tonight! Tonight was her night. She was plain Elena, seventeen year old girl. She started towards the stop that had just occupied Gregior; next to his place was Cullen. She walked up to him, hands open in invitation. He looked at her hands, then at her face, and answered with a shake of the head.

"Oh come now Cullen, there will be plenty of time for sulking! Tonight is no such night! Tonight, I am queen and I command you to dance!" She followed up with one of her most winning smiles and then burst out laughing. He looked at her again, then smiled and placed his hands in hers. It was no use, her good mood was infectious.

"I promise tomorrow the world will be put back up right. I will once again be a Mage, and you a Templar. We can go back to cats and mice then. But for tonight, it's upside down, and I am Elena and you are Cullen. And the king is Alistair. Am I right your highness?"

"You are quite right Ellie." Her answer was yelled back from the other side of the fire. Cullen allowed himself to be lead to the dance floor where they started to spin. Faster and faster. He thought with the pull of gravity their hands would let go, but they didn't. Finally the force just pushed her into him and they both landed, laughingly, into Gregior and Wynn.

Alistair had been watching Elena and Cullen dance together. Her smile lighting up her face, and Cullen looking at her like she was the most beautiful being in the world. He had never felt such a strong emotion before. She is mine. But she really wasn't. Hadn't he just let her go for the sake of his realm just before the final battle? He had no claim to her. But that couldn't stop him from his feelings of anger and jealousy. He couldn't stand it. He was never going to let her go. He couldn't. He didn't have the strength to.

Someone grabbed Ellie's arm and pulled her upright, then gave their hand to Cullen. Alistair paused a moment, without looking a Cullen he asked if he could barrow Elena for a while. Cullen nodded what more could he do? Cullen watched them go, wishing that he had had the courage to say no.

"Ellie, come be with me." Alistair whispered into Elena's ear.

"You know we can't Alistair. It's not right. We will get caught."

"No one will come disturb me in my rooms, come, let tonight be our night. You know, I thought I was going to lose you there for a minute. It made me realize that I don't want to let you go. Maybe we could keep seeing each other. You could stay here as my advisor." He looked down waiting for a response, nervous at what it might be. He never thought he would be the type of person to suggest such a thing, but Maker help him, he couldn't help himself.

This was the first time that they had really talked since the lands meet where he was chosen to be king, and where he had told her that their relationship was at an end. He needed someone with noble blood, someone who could have children. That no matter the fact that he loved her more than life; he needed to do what was right for his people. As much as it had hurt her, she knew he was right. But they both knew eventually they would cave in to their desires. He loved her too much to give her up. It was just a matter of time. Apparently, not that much time. It had barely been a day. But it didn't matter. She loved him.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Lead the way your highness."

She didn't know if it was the ale or the freedom that made her do it, but by the Maker, she couldn't help herself. Tomorrow was still hours away. Plenty of time to forgo the mage and just be Ellie. To enjoy herself.

He led her to the king's bed chamber. It was beautiful and gothic, all gold and glittering. Everywhere seemed to sparkle. They were getting increasingly close to the bed. Alistair grabbed her face between his two hands and looked at her marvelous green eyes. "I love you so much Ellie. More than life itself. I cannot live in a world that you are not part of. I just need to be near you." He looked for a second more, and then leaned in for a kiss. One kiss melted into another. His hands went to her shoulders, then to her back. He started to undo her dress. He spun her around so that her back was to him. One hand wrapped around her stomach, the other still working on the laces of her dress, all the while he was kissing her neck. His hands crept back up to her shoulders where he gently pushed the dress off. It slipped provocatively over her curves of her body, to land in a silk pool at her feet.

He slowly turned her around to face him. "You are so beautiful. I never want to know what a day without you in it feels like." Then he was kissing her again. It was different then when they were at camp. It was hungry, and dangerous. Like he was trying to hold on to her as she disappeared. He leaned her back against the pillows and lay atop her. Nothing had ever felt like this.

That wasn't the only time that night; they were together two other times before Alistair finally fell asleep with Elena in his arms. Before slipping into his dreams he told her that her things were going to be moved tomorrow, in to the room next to his. She smiled to herself. Basking in the afterglow.

Hours later, they lay holding one another in his bed. He was fast asleep. She lay there watching him. Thinking about everything he had said earlier. She could stay there, with him, forever. But she would never truly be with him. He would belong to another. And one day they would slip up and be caught, and then what would they do? What would his wife do? What would happen to Ferelden?

No, she couldn't let that happen. In so many ways, he was still a boy. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too. In the end, he would have to choose, and he would choose her. Ferelden would suffer. IT just couldn't be that way. She would have to give up her happiness for the betterment of their world. And it would have to be her doing. There was no way he was going to be the strong one and give her up. She slowly got out of bed, carefully so not to disturb him. She dressed as quietly as she could, and went to the door looking back one final time. Her heart was breaking. "I love you Alistair. Always and forever." With that she slipped through the door and out of his life, for good. After the door was shut, the dreaming boy answered with, "I love you to, my Ellie, always and forever."

Running down the cold stone hallway with no shoes did not slow her down. She was determined to do the right thing, and nothing was going to stop her. She got to her room and started packing in a furry. Stuffing all she could into her bags. Leoben, her faithful Mubari, was at attention, looking at her in a confused way. She answered the look by giving him a choice. "You can stay here if you like boy. I don't know how much fight a war hound will see where I am going."

He looked back at her hurt, and whined as if to emphasize his point. "All right boy, I would miss you too much as well. Are you ready to get going? I doubt we will ever see this place again."

He looked up and barked twice and started for the door. She put the hood of her cloak over her head and walked out, heading for the stables. She settled the white mare that she would ride from one cage to another. The horse was her gift from the people of Fereldon. As she walked the horse to the entry gate of the castle, she heard footsteps behind her. She turned around slowly ready to be rude and abrupt if necessary. She almost fell over from her surprise at who it was. She was not expecting this at all. She had thought she had been so quiet, to avoid good bye and questions.

"Did you really think that you could leave this place without either of us? Really lassie." Ohgren was standing next to Zeveran, who was holding the reins to a horse, all saddled and ready to go.

"I can't hide anything from either of you, can I? I just need to leave this place, where I go, may not interest you. I did not want to assume anything." She said looking down.

"No, you can't hide from us. Did you think you could? An assassin and a warrior strained to watch? It doesn't matter. Our lives are forfeit to you. We will follow you into the heart of the black kingdom and back again if that is where you go. Into the belly of the deep roads to die. We are your men, now and forever. We will not desert you in a time where you need us the most."

A smile touched Elena's face. "Well then, what are we waiting for? Let us leave this place before the sun comes up and stirs people awake." She hopped on her horse, waiting for Zeveran and Ohgren. She looked back at the palace, said I love you one last time and with a heavy sigh she kicked her horse into a gallop. Her two knights and war hound trailing behind her. Leaving, and never returning.


	2. Going Home

Heart of the Hero

Chapter 2: You can never go home again

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Dragon Age, Bioware does. *sniff*

Authors Note: There will be some switching of POV, so be aware.

Alistair Awoke with a huge head ache, "Makers breath, what was that stuff that Oghren gave me, tar?" he put his hand to his head, then rubbed his eyes. He started to feel around the bed for a particular warmth, but couldn't find it. She must've gone to her own room at some point last night. Even though he knew it was better for her to do that, he couldn't help that pout that formed on his face.

There was heavy commotion coming from the other side of his door. He could swear he heard a crash, and someone cursing.

"You let me through this door at once sir or I swear that I will turn you into a toad and have absolutely no regrets. This is important; it has to do with the Hero of Ferelden! The king will want to know about this!"

After the last crash, the doors were ripped apart, and through them came an extremely disheveled Wynne. "MY goodness Wynne, is everything alright? You really don't need to bring the castle down around us. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not that pressing."

"She's gone Alistair, Elena is gone."

"What? What do you mean GONE? How can she be gone?"

Wordlessly, Wynn handed a piece of paper to Alistair. There was writing on it. He knew the familiar script; it was Ellie's hand writing.

I'm sorry to leave like this, in the middle of the night, without a good bye. It is much less than you deserve, but I can think of no other way to do it. If I left any other time, there would be things and people who would stop me. I just don't know what to do anymore. What purpose do I have now? I killed the Arch-Demon and saved Ferelden, but what now? I don't know who I am, or what I am supposed to do now. I do know that I can't stay in Denirem. It would hurt too much, and it would eventually kill me. I've decided to go back to where it all began, back to the only place that ever felt like home. Maybe there I will get the answers that I seek. Will you do me one favor? Will you tell him how much I love him, and whether or not he sees it, I'm really doing this for him. That it has always been for him. But it's time to do things for me. I cannot be the king's whore. I hope this is not good bye. And I hope that you all will forgive me for my desertion.

He wordlessly handed the paper back to Wynne. He hadn't realized he had started to cry. "I would like to be alone for a while please." Everyone filled out of the room to let the king grieve in peace. No one could know the depth of his sorrow. He would never be the same man again, not without her.

Elena was riding like the hounds of hell were at her heals. She was determined to reach the tower before night fall, but it was not going to happen. About an hour before dark, they decided to take a small detour to Castle Redcliffe to stay for the evening.

"Thank you for allowing us to stay the evening here, we weren't sure if we could make it all the way tonight."

"You are always welcome here. Can someone show them to their rooms?"

Elena was shown to a beautiful room that over looked the court yard. A fire was set and tea was brought in for her. She was sitting, looking out the window when there was a soft knock on the door. The door was opened and in walked Conner, he was the last person she would've expected to see.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to disturb you, I… uh… I had some questions. Questions, I'm sure only you can answer, since my parents refuse to answer."

"I'll do my best to answer your questions Conner, but if your parents couldn't enlighten you, I'm sure I won't be much more help."

She was confused as to what this was about. What could Conner want from her? The only time they had spoken was in the fade, and then for three seconds after. But he was supposed to not have any memory of the time in the fade.

"You were the one that saved me from the demon, weren't you? I know it's true, I have heard the servants talking. I need another favor from you, please."

Elena was shocked. She didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly was not what he was saying. He was just a young boy. Did he really understand what happened to him? She focused her attention back to him, preparing herself for his request.

"I will do what is within my power Conner." She answered with a sigh

"I want you to take me to the circle. My parents do not realize, but I do remember everything from that horrible time. I remember the fade and the possession. And I want you to take me away from here before I have the chance to do anything like that again! I need to be saved from myself. Please, only you can help me. They say that you are heading back to the circle. Please take me with you." The last sentence was barely above over a whisper.

She was taken completely aback. What was she to do? How was she to answer? If only Wynn or Leliana were here. Or even Morrigan. Anyone would have been better able to answer than her. Was he really asking to be caged like an animal? To be taken from his family and the pretended that he never came from them? To be forgotten in the world, and give up everything?

"Do you know what you are asking? Your mother meant to save you from the fate that would have normally come to you. Do you really wish to leave everything behind?"

He seemed to consider her words for a moment. His face turned downwards, casting shadows on the floor. "I just don't want to hurt anyone again, I think the best way to accomplish this, is to be taken somewhere I can better understand this, this thing inside me."

He didn't want to become an abomination. That's what it is. He is scared of his power. Every Mage, before they became mages, had felt that way. Elena thought for a minute. How would she bring this up to his mother, or Bann Teagan? The boy was vastly more inelegant than most gave him credit for. To understand that he needs to be somewhere where he can't hurt anyone and that will teach him to control his gifts. This shows someone wise beyond his years. He was right, he can't stay here.

"I'll only make you this promise; I will discuss this with your family in the morning before I ride out. I will only take you if they agree. I will steal no child from the warm bosom of their family, I am not a templar."

He looked thoughtful for a minute before looking back to you and shaking his head in agreement.

"Until to tomorrow then. Thank you Warden."

"Um Conner… my name is Elena. There is not warden here anymore." And she smile, one of her brilliant smiles that melted hearts.

He left just as quietly as he came. After he was safely out the door and presumably down the hall she went back to staring out the window. In her hands she played with something soft and red in color. IT was the rose that Alistair had given her at camp. Silent tears slid down her cheeks and landed in a pool in the center of the rose. When did everything get so complicated? Was it after Alistair and she were the last two surviving Grey Wardens? Was it when Duncan came for her at the tower? Oh Duncan, father figure to all new recruits. Was it when she broke Jowan's trust and ultimately caused his desertion? Jowan, Her only true friend. They had come to the Tower around the same time and had immediately become friends. How does she repay his friendship? By breaking his trust and going to the head enchanter. Or maybe it was before any of that, maybe it was when she was born. Born a magical being and then shipped to a school that all but locks you in a tower and throws away the key.

No, it was none of that. The tower was home. The one true place she felt that she belonged. Her mentor, Head Enchanter Irving, was one of the only people who had believed in her. That was, before the Blight and before she made true friendships with people. She smiles lightly thinking of Sten and his abrupt manner and way with people. Leliana, and her way of making everyone fall in love with her. Wynne, who was the closest to a mother figure she had been acquainted with. Morrigan, for all her pointed comments and sly innuendos, was kind and patient when alone. And, towards the end, a true friend. That's probably what hurt so much when she went away and did not want anyone to fallow, especially Elena.

Well she still had Oghren and Zev, undying and loyal and the perfect people to keep her from sinking into deep despair. Always practical joke and sly comments in the right direction.

Elena decided that it was time to try and get some sleep. Perhaps with the arch- demon gone she might get a restful sleep. She pulled back the soft cushion and climbed underneath it. As soon as her head lay atop her pillow, her eyes were closed and she was deep in the Fade.

"Elena…."

She opened her eyes, only she was no longer in the castle, she was in the alter room for the ashes of Andraste. She looked around, trying to figure out who had called her name. But no one was in the room, save herself.

"Elena…."

There it was again. What was going on here? "Hello? Is anyone there?" She peaked around for a second time, and still no one was to be found.

Finally there was a bright light from the Urn. Elena started to back away carefully, not sure as to what be happening. She thought it best to keep her distance. The light faded, and in the place of the ashes was Andraste herself. At least that's what Elena Andraste looked like. It was still too bright to see properly.

"Elena, I have a message for you. You have seen the worst the world can be, and yet you fought to save it. You risked your life for a people that deserve no such love. I have come with a warning that this is not the last that you will be called to fight. You will be tested in ways you never thought possible. And people you thought to never see again, will surprise you yet. Don't lose heart my young one, There is a beautiful bright light at the end of all of this. Something so beautiful, that it makes it all worth-while. Take care little Ellie, The maker has not deserted you."

The light began to fade. So did everything around her, until the black kingdom came into view, and she was dreaming in the fade once more. What had just happened? She shook it off and started to look around. There were so many bodies in the fade. Lost souls that don't realize what is going on. Something dark and tall caught her eye. Black hair, with feathers at the shoulder. Wait, it couldn't be. She started to go after it, not sure in what she hoped to find.

"Morrigan!" She called after it. Over and over again. She was finally close enough to touch it. She grabbed the shoulder and spun it around. She was face to face with Morrigan. The shock was apparent in Morrigan's face.

"Morrigan, what are you doing?" But before she could answer, everything started to fade.

"No! Wait! I need to know what is going on!" Elena was thrashing about. Until finally she jerked up and fully awake to be face to face with Bann Teagan.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I heard you thrashing about and yelling in your sleep, I thought it was best to wake you. It is early morning as it is, and I know how you wish to be home again in your tower."

There was no malice in his voice and there was true concern in his eyes. She looked around, and noticed the sun creeping over the horizon out her window.

"Yes, you are correct. There was something that I needed to discuss with you and Isolde this morning before I left anyway." She gave him a small smile.

"Well then, I will leave you to change and go down to breakfast. I will see you then."

He was gone and out the door before she could answer. She slowly got out of bread and went to look out the window. What weird dreams she had last night? Ellie wondered if it was truly Morrigan in the Fade, or if it was her mind playing tricks with her in an unconscious state?

She dressed and headed to the main hall where everyone was assembled at the high board.

"Rough night?" Was all that Oghren said between massive bite of food. Zevran made a noise that sounded like a laugh, but continued to stuff his face with the delicious spread.

"Teagan says there is something you wish to speak with us about?" Lady Isolde was the first to break the silence on their end of the table. She was looked over her plate at Elena, with a look that could only be described as disdain.

"Well, I actually wanted to discuss Conner's future. As we all know, Conner has shown an aptitude towards magic. Now law dictates that he be removed from your custody and taken to the tower for training," There was a sharp intake of breath, "but I am no templar, and the last thing I would want is to cause this family any more pain than it has already endured. So I leave the choice to you. I leave this morning for the Circle; I can take him with me, or leave him here."

The table was quiet once again. Lady Isolde looked like she was contemplating Elena's removal from her sight. The quiet was broken by Conner coming through the door, "Mother please. We both know that the tower is where I belong. It is the only way that people will be safe here. Without training anything is possible. Do you want to risk the lives of our people further? Please, think about me, and what the best option for all is. You know that this is how it has to be done. Jowan was taken back to the circle, I'm sure that he will tell people what I am. Would you rather they storm the castle for me?"

Conner was quiet and thoughtful once more. Waiting for his mother to answer. She finally sighed and shook her head.

"Will we ever be able to see him again?" Isolde sounded so terrified.

"It it your choice, if you wish to remain in his life, you and come to the tower to see him. He just will not be allowed to leave until he passes his Harrowing. And even then, only with Templar approval."

She sighed again, and with a defeated look gave her blessing. Conner was out the door and packing before she could finish the sentence.

"We leave within the hour, say your good bye now." With that said and the decision made, Elena left the table to collect her things and get on the road to home.

True to her word the group was out of the gates and on the road at the end of one hour. Zevran was in the lead and Oghren took up the rear, which left Elena and Conner in the middle. The pace was slower now that they acquired a less experienced rider.

"Now stay close to me, and if Maker forbid something should happen, run and hide. Do not risk your life in a fight. Do you understand?"

Conner shook his head in the affirmative. The rest of the ride was quiet. Everyone seemed to be inside their own head. It wasn't until the sight of the tower did anyone saying anything. They were almost there. Elena could taste the salt in the air, and feel the magic. She was so close. Without even meaning to, she kicked her horse to a gallop, leaving the rest behind. Home, she was almost home!


	3. Belonging

Disclaimer: as always, I do not own Dragon Age, Bioware does.

Authors note: Thank you to Heather for always saying nice things , you make me want to keep going. Thanks to Crisium, if you haven't read What We Become, you really should. This chapter was the hardest to write. I wasn't sure how I was going to get to the next stage from here… so here goes nothing.

Chapter 3: Home Again

With ever row that the boat got closer to the tower, Elena became more nervous. It had been over a year since Duncan had taken her from the only home she could remember. What would it be like going back? She kept have flashes of Duncan, standing on one end of the boat, while she sat on the other.

* * *

"Will you miss the tower?" Duncan decided it was best if he broke the melancholy silence, although his choice of questions probably wasn't going to help.

"Yes and no. The tower is the only home that I remember. It was the only place that I have ever belonged to. But at the same time, it was a cage, and I yearned for a chance to make my mark on the world. I just never thought it would be this soon. Irving had protected me and nurtured me since my arrival. It almost like he CHOSE me. He was the closest thing to a parent I have had, and I will miss him a lot. I don't know what my future holds, but I have a feeling that this was meant to be. Something is taking me to my un-known destiny. I know that it must sound strange to you…"

"Not at all, I understand much of fate, and destiny. You will find yours with the Grey Wardens, of that, I am sure. Now you will have a whole other family. You will be sister to many, and you will have many brothers in return." He smiled after saying this. He knew he was made the right decision in taking her, she would be one of the strongest of all the Grey Wardens, and she would get things done. He knew his time was short; he had been having the nightmares that were long gone again. He needed to make sure that things would be taken care of in his absence. Alistair and Elena would do what had to be done.

The rest of the boat rise was quiet, but no longer out of awkwardness or melancholy, now just out of thought.

* * *

The boat docked, and Elena shook her head to rid herself of the painful memories. She had not thought of Duncan in a while. It was always too sad to think about. She walked nervously up to the front gates, and there waiting for her was Leliana. She had never seen her look so angry in all the time she had known her. Suddenly Elena felt guilty and the look of shame swept across her face.

"Leliana, what an unexpected surprise…" She looks at her feet.

"Yes, it is isn't it? Imagine my surprise when I wake up and find the whole castle in chaos, Wynne threatening to turn people into toads and such, and our dear beloved hero, missing. I knew what had happened the moment I heard Wynne's outraged cry. I had seen this coming since after the Landsmeet. Why did you not tell me? I would have come with you. You are just incredible lucky that I am better on horse than you. I was able to ride all night and beat you. Wynne was not pleased at all. She thinks that you are neglecting your duties. But I know better than that, you my dear chicken, are running away!" She finished with a superior grin that made Elena want to scream. How is it the small Orlesian knew her so well?

Elena decided to fight it, "I am not running away, I am merely going to the place where I belong. This is where my duties are. I am a mage Leliana, This is my home."

"You are also a Grey Warden, one mind you, that promised the King to stand by him and guide him. Your duties are to him and country and you know that. Either way, I am not going to argue on these massive steps any longer. Come, let us go inside and discuss this further. If this is where you truly want to be, then I will stay with you….for the time being. I was more hurt that you did not bring me along." Leliana led Elena through the Massive stone doors, back into her cage, the others tread slowly behind. Conner was looking every which way, getting glimpses of what his future held.

Sure enough, right inside the doors here Knight-Commander Gregior and Head Enchanter Irving. Irving's face held a bemused look on it, while Gregior looked not at all pleased with her return.

"So, the little mage comes home at last. I never thought to see you voluntarily come back. Few have left and returned after their journey into the world." The smile did not leave Irving's face, she had a feeling he was truly glad for her safe return. Gregior on the other hand gave a loud humph at what Irving had said.

"Thank you head Enchanter, I thought it was time that I come home. With the Arch-Demon gone, I really had no reason to stay with the Grey Wardens, Though, if they ever to call for me, I will go to them."

"Naturally, so who is this young man? Is this the Master Conner?" His smile was a genuine one as he inspected the boy.

"It's just Conner sir. I have come to ask for a place among the Mages to learn how to control my gifts." Conner looked back down, a shy smile on his nervous face.

"So this was the abomination that terrorized and killed people!" Gregior barked. Conner immediately looked terrified.

"Sir! That is not something that you should say to the boy. He was possessed. He called to the demon without even realizing what he was doing. She offered to save his father. How was he to know, without any proper training to know what was happening and what she was? As I recall, many of YOUR men were also put under similar spells, and easily gave into the demons that haunted this place! The only one to fight them every step of the way was Cullen. You forgave those that we saved, they had killed people. Mages and Templar both. So will you really not allow this boy to train?"

Everyone in the room was staring at her. No one could believe how she had stood up to the Knight-Commander. Before the war, she would have meekly done whatever he had asked or not even spoken to him. This was not the same Ellie that left the tower, and that was a good thing. Irving was smiling approvingly. Gregior thought for a moment. What she had said made sense. He could not be biased. He let out a long sigh and said, "You are right Elena, Forgive me, abominations are still a very sensitive subject for us here. Conner you are welcome to stay and train here, with Irving's approval."

Now everyone turned to look at the Knight-Commander. No one had heard him ever apologize. It must have been old age.

"Of course, a boy with your talents need to be taught the proper way to use them. We will pick what mage will be your mentor tomorrow. As of today, go have fun. Look around, I have some business with Elena and then we will find rooms for everyone. Although with the circle severely lacking, we seem to have an abundance of rooms now available." He almost laughed at the irony.

Conner looked to Elena for a confirmation. She smiled and shook her head, "Go have fun. I will find you later." Both Conner and the war hound bounded off together.

"He really is a good boy, he just wants to learn."

"Well now that Conner is taken care of, we should go to my office and discuss some things. Knight-Commander are you coming?" as if he was an afterthought. The group fallowed to the Head Enchanters office where they all took seats. Zevran chose to stand.

"So what are your plans, now that you have returned to us?"

"I'm really not sure Head Enchanter. I really haven't given it much thought. I suppose I could help put the library back together. I know you are still having some problems there. I can analogue all the books."

Irving was quiet for a moment. He seemed to be formulating something in his head. "I was thinking that maybe you should teach. I want to give you an apprentice. I have someone in mind that I think would be perfect for you."

Elena looked horrified, "You want me to teach," She screeched, "I was barely a mage her in the tower for a day before I left, you can't be serious. Look what happened when Jowan tried to teach Conner. I would never be able to forgive myself if something like that happened here."

"My dear girl, I would not ask if I did not think that you were ready. Jowan was not a good teacher because he lacked patience. He always wanted to become more powerful and do it fast. You have learned. And better yet, you have lived! Trust me, for this pupil, you are the best choice."

What could she do at that point; she hung her head and nodded in the affirmative. The door to the room opened, and in walked Cullen. Elena stared open mouthed.

"Sorry knight-Commander, I did not mean to interrupt. I just returned from Denerim and wanted to let you know that I was taking up my post….." His eyes landed on Elena and his sentence trailed off. His face held a look of confusion. The knight-commander could see that and decided to explain.

"Elena has come back to the tower to stay. She will be taking on an apprentice and teaching here. Apparently the city does not quite agree with her either." He almost smiled.

"Oh… I see. Well I'll be in the library Knight-Commander." And the door slammed shut. What was that about, she wondered? Why was he acting so weird? They were friends once, but since she came back to the circle the first time and refused to kill innocents to guarantee that none of the blood mages went free, maybe things were different now. He was rather reluctant to dance with her at the celebration. But after a few minutes dancing with her, he seemed almost back to normal. Something in her chest hurt at the thought that Cullen be angry with her, or not liking her. She would miss the talks that they had.

"Why don't you all go to the main hall and have something to eat? And I will finish this chat with the Knight-Commander to see where everyone will be staying." They knew they were dismissed. All of them pilled out of the office into the hall. Now the attention was back on Elena, she could feel all of their gazes boring into her.

"Now that all that business is settled, you and I need to have a little chat. We'll meet you in the dining hall later gentlemen." Leliana grabbed her arm and set off in to the direction of the Harrowing chamber. The door shut heavily behind them. "So now, explain to me why you ran away like the little chicken that you are." She folded her arms across her chest. At that moment she looked more like a foreboding mother than a friend.

"I left out of duty, for both Alistair and Ferelden. Listen, it was going to end eventually and the longer it took the harder it would have been. Did you really want me to stay with my heart and should dying a little more each day? Would you want me to be mistress to the King, and watch him with his wife and children every day? To sit in silent guilt. You know that Alistair wouldn't marry as long as I was there. Or if he did, he would pay her no attention. So then what would happen if she found out? Ferelden would suffer. I did what I did out of duty to both my KING and COUNTRY! Don't you dare sit there and judge me. My heart was breaking with every step that I took away from him, with every step he was further and further from my life. You have no idea how hard that was to do. Alistair would never have been able to do that, so I did it for the both of us." She was sitting with her head on her knees and her arms wrapped around them. Sometimes Leliana forgets that she is still just a child. She looked so small and helpless right now. Leliana sighed heavily and sat down next to her.

"Why didn't you tell me? You just left before dawn, with those two and left a note. After all we've been through, don't you think that I deserved a good bye? I would have been right behind you the whole way. Well it's done and over with, now what? Are you to stay in the tower?" Elena nodded her head in the affirmative. "Well, then that means that this is also where I shall reside. Until the maker parts us Ellie, I will be where you are. Now, for more important matters, we need to get you out of those dirty clothes and into a bath. You smell positively disgusting." She smiled and pulled Elena out the door to find a bath.

After Elena had bathed and dressed into mage robes, she stored the silk dress that Alistair had given her at the bottom of one of her trunks, she and Leliana joined the rest of the party in the dining hall. Oghren was eating less civilized than her dog, food in one hand and wine in the other. "There you two are, we were about to launch a search party after you, are you feeling better."

Zevran, the one not with food in his mouth was trying to be sympathetic, she could tell he was trying with all of his might to not make some kind of inappropriate comment.

"Yes, actually, you would be surprised was a hot bath and new clothes would make you feel. You know, I'm really not that hungry. Would you all mind if I spent a little time alone?"

"Take all the time you need, I'll find someone who can point me in the direction of the room with the biggest closet." Leliana smiled and took off in the direction of the Knight-Commanders office.

Elena decided that she would let her feet do the walking and not worry where she was going. It was time that she re-acquainted herself with the tower again. Her feet ended up taking her right to her favorite place in the tower, the library. Her hand slid up and sown on the spines of the old books. She loved the feeling of the rough leather on her fingers. She loved the way the library smelled, to her, this was truly home. She knew every inch of this room. She felt some ones gaze on her back. She was looking around for who it was and realized it was Cullen. Well this was her chance. She decided the only way to deal with this was directly, something that she would have never done before.

"Hello Cullen."

"Hello Elena."

This is a bit awkward. Why is it that they used to be able to converse so freely and now it's as if they're strangers?

"Cullen, I know what happened here was terrible. Maybe, had I been sooner, less people would be dead. I understand why your feelings towards mage's are what they are. I just wish it didn't affect our friendship. I miss those times where we would talk for hours. You have no idea how I felt when I saw you in that cage. I just hope that someday you will be able to understand what I did and why. And maybe at that time, you will forgive me." She started to turn and walk away, but he grabbed her arm to turn her around.

"It's not like that at all. I have forgiven you. I just felt so ridiculous about the way I acted, both in the cage and after. You were right not to kill of those people. Can you imagine if you did? You would be one of maybe four mages in the circle. I was just so embarrassed. I thought that you couldn't forgive me." His hand dropped away from her arm, but as it fell his hand grazed the finger tips of Elena's hand. She almost jumped back from the sensation. It was like a current of electricity.

"How about we just forget everything that has happened. Let us pretend that I have just finished my Harrowing, like nothing happened." She smiled up at him, he whole face lighting up.

"I would really like that."

Before he could continue with what he was going to say, another templar came up to her, "I have orders to show you the room in which you will be staying. The Knight-Commander and Head Enchanter said that you must want to sleep after your long journey."

Elena looked from him to Cullen, what a wonderful thought, sleep. Yes I would like to. We'll finish this later, alright Cullen?" She waved to him as she was lead to her knew apartment. He smiled and shook his to himself. Well this will make things interesting around here. He wondered what had made her come back. Last he had heard she was going to stay in Denerim and be advisor to the king. Having her here was better.

Elena slowed herself to be taken to the second floor, to her new room. To her surprise it was a single. No one but Senior Enchanters got their own rooms. She wasn't about to argue. The bed looked so nice and warm. She hadn't realized how tired she was until right at that moment. When was the last time she had a good night sleep? She couldn't remember. Either she didn't sleep, or she had interrupting nightmares. The templar left her to her thoughts. She decided to get ready for bed and enjoy and peaceful rest.

As she closed her eyes she realized she was in the fade again. Well, there goes a restful night sleep, she thought to herself. She was looking around, trying to figure out what she was doing there when she saw Morrigan. What was going on here? She was running through the throng of dreamers and fade walkers trying to reach her.

"Morrigan! Morrigan turn around! Morrigan!"

It was no use; she couldn't get her voice to carry. She was running through people trying to get to her. As Elena finally caught up to her, Morrigan turned around. "Elena?" She was looking around, almost out of fear. "Elena, you heard my call!" The look of relief on her face was something that she had never seen. This couldn't be Morrigan. But it was Morrigan. Why did she look so frightened?

"Elena, I need your help…." But everything began to fade.

"NO! Wait! Come back, Morrigan, come back! What has happened? Where have you gone?" But someone was shaking her awake. She jolted to the touch. She was panting in her frustration.

"Elena, Elena, Ellie!" it was Leliana's soft voice. Elena slowly forced her eyes open. Leliana was sitting on her bed staring at her, with the same look that Morrigan had given her. It couldn't have been her, this was all a dream.

"Are you alright? I heard you screaming from down the hall. That must have been some dream you were having?"

"Yeah it was I'm fine now Leliana, you can go back to bed." Elena started to pull the covers around her. What was going on with her? Why did she keep dreaming of Morrigan? Leliana did not look convinced, but she slid off the bed and walked back to her own room. After an hour of not being able to go back to sleep she sighed heavily and threw back the covers to get out of bed. She had to find a clue of what might be happening to her. She threw a robe on and headed down to the library. She was going to go look in the restricted section for the old Tevinter Imperium books. If the information was going to be anywhere, it would be there.


	4. Following the Clues

Disclaimer: Bioware Owns Dragon Age!

Authors note: I have a feeling this is going to be a very long story. It has kind of taken on a life of its own in my computer. Thanks to everyone for reading. R&R please. I need to know what to put more of in, or if there are things people want to see. Feed back is always welcome.

Chapter 4: Following the Clues

"What do you think you are doing?" Someone had demanded from the other side of the barrier that hid the 'off limits' books that the templars didn't want little mages getting their hands on. Elena slowly turned around, fully expecting Gregior to be there ready with the whip. Instead she was looking into the questioning eyes of Cullen.

"I'm sorry; I just really needed some information on the Tevinter Imperium. I know we aren't allowed in here without the ok of the Knight-Commander, but I didn't want to wake him up and I really needed this question answered. You're here now anyways, so you can watch me," She smiled at him his look still stone, "I promise, no fast moves and no funny business." She smiled again, this time his heart did a little jump.

"Fine, I will keep this between you and me. Why are you looked at the Tevinter Imperium?" He was looking over her shoulder trying to figure out what she was looking at. Her hand skimmed the pages, as if they were here eyes.

"Actually, I'm looking for information on the Magisters, and the old gods." She didn't even look up from where she was scanning the book for information.

""Why do you want to know about them? Are you researching the blight?" He kept fallowing her hands to try and see if he could fallow her train of thought.

"Um, you could say that…" Her hand stopped. 'Their minds continued to roam the Fade like any other dreaming individual's mind would, and they were able to contact the Magisters and teach them to use magic in hope that the magisters might free them. It was for this reason that the magisters entered the Golden City to usurp the Maker's throne. The first, and the leader of the rest, was called Dumat, the Dragon of Silence. His followers were: Zazikel, the Dragon of Chaos, Toth, the Dragon of Fire, Andoral, the Dragon of Chains, Urthemiel, the Dragon of Beauty, Razikale, the Dragon of Mystery Lusacan, the Dragon of Night.' She stopped a moment and looked up.

"So the last was Urthemiel, so will the darkspawn be drawn to it in this form?" She was whispering to herself. Cullen was looking at her with confusion in his eyes, what was she talking about? She snapped the book shut and carefully put it back in the spot in which she had retrieved it.

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, oh I'm sorry. This must seem very strange to you. I've just had two very strange dreams and decided to investigate a little. It's nothing. Please do not worry. Well I'm going to try and go back to sleep. I get introduced to my new charge tomorrow. Try to not work too hard Cullen." She waved him off, and the last part was said when she was already on her way to the stairs. He smiled to himself and shook his head again. What a silly little mage she was. He wondered what had happened between her and the King. He had heard rumors, but didn't believe them. Sometime soon he would ask her.

Elena pulled pack the warm covers and slipped in between them. What did Morrigan need her help with? Was it the darkspawn? He eyes were becoming heavy, and slowly she was claimed by a dreamless sleep. It was the first time in over a year she had an un-interrupted night of sleep, and oh man, did it feel good.

She yawned and stretched lazily in her bed. It was strange to have a room to herself in the Tower. Usually the voices of groups of people were lifting through the room in the morning. She took her time getting ready; staring at herself in the mirror she almost didn't recognize her own face. Sad and battle worn, like old leather armor. She remembered a girl that was always smiling, and excited at the beginning of every day, to what it had in store for her. Hopefully being back at the tower would bring that part of her back. She smiled a little to herself when she thought of the tower, her home. It did feel good to be back. Like she could stretch, and wash that battle worn face right off. She was smiling to herself as she entered the dining hall. Everyone was already enjoying a good meal and talking together huddled in a corner.

"Someone is looking like she has rejoined the land of the living this morning," Zevran smiled a knowing smile at her.

She stared indignantly back at him, "Sometimes, a peaceful night's sleep is all a person need to get them going in the morning."

"Are you excited to meet your knew charge. I wonder if it will be a boy or girl, and how much knowledge they already have?" Leliana was asking, no one in particular really. She was just musing to herself, like she sometimes did.

The group was interrupted by Cullen coming to the table and taking a seat by Elena. He gave a small smile to Elena and a polite greeting to the rest of the group as he took his seat. He picked at his food a bit before starting up a conversation with Elena.

"So did you have a better night once you were able to get back to bed?" Leliana glared at Elena as if to say, 'I knew you weren't going back to bed' and sighed. Elena shook her head in the positive and took another healthy bite of her food. "Actually the reason I'm here is to take you to the Knight-Commander's office. Head Enchanter Irving is there with your new charge, they wanted you two to start getting acquainted.

"Oh, I suppose I should head up there then," She started to look a little nervous and rubbing her hands together, something she only did when she was anxious about something. She allowed Cullen to lead her to the office. When they walked in she noticed Irving standing there with Conner, and the Knight-Commander in the corner looking surly as usual. Irving brought Conner forward.

"Conner, this is Elena, she will be your mentor and the main person responsible for your education. Is that all right with you?" Conner got a wide smile of elation and looked to Elena with a hopeful stare. She looked to him as if to say the choice was his. He looked back at Irving and nodded his head vigorously in the affirmative. It made Elena smile. He was still a child, and placing him with someone that he trusted was the right thing to do, even if she did not have confidence in her own teachings.

"Good, it is done! Now off you go, I have important letters to write. One in particular. It is truly a grueling task trying to recruit Senior Mages back to the circle, Gregior; I shall meet with you later."

With that said, he was out of the office. Elena looked around and feeling Gregior stare at the back of her head, she decided to take Conner down to the hall where the others were to tell them of the turn of events.

Before Cullen could follow after her Gregior stopped him by grabbing his upper arm. "I have a new special assignment for you Cullen; I need you to watch them. Stay close. Use your old friendship with the mage to gain her trust. I don't trust them together." Cullen shook his head to let him know that he understood the situation. Gregior left the office and Cullen looking like he just swallowed something bad. What would happen if something happened with the duo? He knew what would happen, what he would have to do. That thought unsettled him even more. He decided to take up his new assignment and follow after Elena.

"So this is the charge that they gave you, it could be worse." Zevran winked at Conner and patted him roughly on the back. Oghren raised an eyebrow in assessment of him and Leliana smiled warmly at him.

"Don't listen to Zevran, Conner, I never do. I'm very happy with the turn of events." She smiled at him; the fist smile since she came back that reached her eyes. She was slowly coming back to life. Now that his future was no longer uncertain, Conner seemed to regain his strength, slopping up food as if he hadn't eaten in days. Conner walked into the hall and took a position by the door, Elena had the feeling he was contemplating something. One of the younger mages had come up to their party, she was bubbling with gossip to tell. "Do you all hear, The King is getting married! His betrothal was set this morning!" She couldn't hide her jubilation. She decided since these people now new, it was time to tell others of her great news and she left the table. Everyone at the table went silent. Oghren stopped in mid chew, Zevran was glaring in the direction in which the little upstart had walked off in, Leliana looked as if she were going to say something, and all of their eyes were on her. She put her hand up to stop Leliana, "No, I knew this would happen. Please, don't say anything. Can you stay with Conner for a while, I think I'm going to take a walk." Leliana wordlessly shook her head. Cullen watched her go, an un-readably look on his face.

Elena felt cold, like all of the feeling in her body had gone away. She numbly walked the grounds of the old tower, looking up at the top point and shielding her eyes from the sun. This is what she wanted right? She left him, knowing that this would happen. This was what was right, if she would've stayed it would never have worked. She looked up at the top again, tears silently slipped down her cheeks. Knowing that this was the right thing did not make it any easier. A royal summons would come for her to witness the ceremony, she knew this. Was she expected to watch this happen? Yes, she was a Grey Warden, and trusted advisor to the king. Not to mention, the Hero of Ferelden, they people would expect her approval. What a cruel joke! She would do her duty, she was a mage of The Circle, and a Grey Warden, her new duty all too well.

She sat there a while watching the wave lap the sand. She got up and slowly took her shoes off. Walking over to the dock she sat down and solemnly stuck her feet in. Kicking her feet around she started to contemplate not going to the wedding. Someone came up behind her and silently sat beside her. "I like the feeling of the water on my skin, it cool and refreshing."

"Well maybe I should give it a try. He stood up and took most of his armor off, Cullen was a nice built man. He had broad shoulders and strong arms, he looked dangerous, but at the same time he had an almost 'soft' look to him when he looked at her. Her sat back down and put his feet in next to hers.

"Mmmm, that does feel nice. A wonder I hadn't thought of this before." He looked at her and smiled, but she didn't smile back. She just continued to look at the tower with almost ghostly eyes. He decided to stare back at the water, watching her move her feet in figure eights.

"I wonder what the Awars wanted this tower for, it doesn't seem to do much but look daunting, with its spiral point, like it's trying to spear the sky?" Elena looked back over the ocean, silent again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cullen didn't know what else to say, or how he could help. She looked so sad, so broken. It was breaking his heart to see her like this.

She laughed, but it wasn't an amused laugh, this laugh was full of bitterness and resentment. "I know what I did was right, leaving him that is, but did he really have to do this so soon? I mean, didn't our time together mean anything to him? Was I nothing but an oat to him?" She was looking back up at the sky, "He told me once, that he would love me forever, that our love was eternal. I still have the rose he gave me when we left Lothering."

Cullen didn't know what to stay, so he just kept silent and waited for her to continue. She sighed heavily, "I guess there is not faulting him, I'm the one who left him, hoping that this would happen. I knew what was best for Ferelden even if he wouldn't see it. I just wish life wasn't so hard. I feel like my entire life has been a struggle. I mean, I was taking from my parents at such a young age that I don't remember them or where I came from! I was lucky Irving spied in me some hidden talent. Jowans betrayal, my only friend here. The blight, The Arch-Demon, losing Morrigan, I mean it has been just a chain of terrible events. Do I even know happiness? I just wish it would all end…." Her voice broke, and tears slid down her cheeks. Cullen didn't know what he was doing, but he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into a warm embrace. When her sobs had quieted he slowly drew back to look at her, Elena, you are a strong woman, the strongest woman that I have ever had the privilege to meet. The maker dies this because he knows that you can handle it. You will make it through, and with so much more in the end."

They stared at each other for a moment, neither one wanted to break the spell. Elena's heart was beating faster than it had in a long time. Cullen's breath grew ragged, and in that moment he didn't care that he was a templar and she was a mage. He didn't think that he shouldn't be doing this, that it will make things harder, he just knew that his was Right. "Oh sod it!" He leaned in and kissed Elena hard. He had wanted this for so long, this was nothing like the images in the cage, this was so much better. He moaned a little when he arms came up and wrapped themselves around his neck, her hands slipping into his hair. He reached around and pulled her closer. He opened her mouth with his and deepened the kiss. Slowly he leaned her back, down onto the wood of the dock, completely forgetting where they were and that at any moment someone could see. The truth was, he didn't care. He had wanted this for so long. His hands began to roam and slowly they were making their way of her smooth legs, something like a strangled noise came from her throat and she leaned her head back. He began to trail kisses agonizingly slow, down her neck. Her robes were at her thighs when they heard something in the distance, "Elena, where are you. Ellie?!" It was Leliana, probably coming to find her out of worry. She had been gone for some time, she was surprised it was just her, the others must still be with Conner.

Cullen made an annoyed grunt and got off of her. He slowed his breathing and lent a hand to Elena so she could also stand. They looked guiltily at each other for a minute before she responded to Leliana's calls, "I'm over here, by the dock."


	5. who am I?

Authors Note: Thanks to everyone for reading this. I'm still not sure if it's any good. This chapter and probably a few others are going to be the only true M rating. I will warn you at the top of each chapter if they are for a more mature audience. It is mostly due to violence. Well let me know what you think. Same disclaimers still apply.

Chapter 5: Who am I?

Elena opened her eyes, but she was no longer in the tower. She sat up in bed and started looking around for anything that looked familiar. She was in a giant bed with huge, gothic looking posts on the four corners that had a red sheer material dripping from them. The look was very rich and ornamental; the bed could easily fit five of her in it. The room around the bed was in the same style, everything was very gothic and dark. She decided to get up and have a look around. It was all very tragically beautiful. She passed a mirror and realized she wasn't wearing her usual nightgown; she was dressed in a satin long slip with a lace trim. Everything got more confusing for her. Grabbing the nearest robe she put it on and decided to go out the heavy metal doors and get some answers.

Leaving the room she noticed she was at the end of a very long hallway. She quietly walked down it on her guard incase anything wanted to surprise her. She hated not having her staff with her. Getting to the other side of the long hallway there was another huge set of doors, these ones seemed to be bigger than the last. On either side there were a pair of guards, they nodded to her and opened the doors to give her admittance. This confused her more.

Walking through the doors she noticed that it was a throne room. Someone was holding court. There were people everywhere, dressed in furs and robes of heavy velvet all very dark colors. There was magic everywhere, you could feel it in the air and all around you. Mages talking amongst themselves, some of them, playing with the servants as if they were puppets for them to do what they wanted with. Blood spattered on floors with other servants cleaning it up. There were people hanging from the rafters with robe around their necks. She couldn't understand what was going on. This all reminded her of the Warden Tower and what Avernus was doing to his own people. It was sick and depraved. There were Mages using their magic to inflict pain and suffering on others. In the corner there was a couple making love, not caring that others were around them. The man seemed to be biting her drawing blood, it was brutal and the woman didn't care, she just kept begging for more.

She finally made it to the dais where the two thrones were, with two people sitting on them with a looked of feigned interest at what was going on around them. The woman spotting her smiled and beckoned Elena to her side. Confused, Elena did as she was told. The woman stood and enveloped Elena into a warm hug. "Wonderful for you to join us in our celebration. We did not wake you did we?" She smiled at her with love and affection.

Everything around them had stopped and the man sitting beside the woman stood and pulled me next to him. He held his hand out for the people to pay attention to what he was about to say.

"Today my daughter, the beautiful Elena reaches the age of eighteen. She had reached the age of maturity and is now entitled to her robes of the ruling Archon of the Tevinter Imperium." He turned to face her and spoke again, "With this honor comes a task. WE need you to find the old one. WE can sense it here somewhere in Thedas. We need to find it and correct the mistake that we made when we created the darkspawn. Our ancestors were wrong to be led by the old ones and usurp the maker. We need to stop this before it destroys all life. One of these times that there is a blight; there will not be the people to stop it, like we saw with the first one. Our country was crippled, our once great nation lost a lot in the fight and we almost did not survive it. Kill it, kill the child and make sure they cannot find the others, destroy them all."

Elena had a cold feeling rushing down her body, this couldn't be true, she could not be one of these barbaric people. "What do you mean? I don't know what is going on here." She started to slowly back away from the two of them, terrified. Her head was swirling with questions and horror at the prospect of everything that had happened here being the truth. No one had ever been able to tell her where she came from, a soldier had found her and seeing her hands glowing with warm gold flames as she was trying to keep herself warm, he brought her to the tower.

"Haven't you ever wondered where you affinity to magic came from. Why you seemed to be so much better than the rest of those caged animals in that silly little tower? You descend from the powerful Archons of the Tevinter, whose skill is un-paralleled." Elena couldn't help it, a primal violent sound was coming up through her throat and there was no stopping it. She closed her eyes and started to scream. It was an ear piercing sound full of terror and confusion.

Someone started to shake her and she jumped. Opening her eyes she realized she was back in the tower and Leliana was staring at her full of concern. Confusion filled Elena's eyes, not know what was happening to her. Was this some kind of mind game they were playing with her? Her room was filled with her friends as well as the knight-commander and two templars.

"Ellie, it is alright. I am here. Do you know where you are?"

She looked around like some frightened feral animal, confusion and doubt in her eyes. She saw one of the templars advance on her, his hand on the hilt of his sward ready at a moment's notice to take her down. There was an assessing look in Gregior's eyes, like if he was trying to read the situation and decide which course to take. The templar by his side looked uncomfortable with the situation and was shifting nervously. She knew that had to be Cullen. She calmed, realizing that this was not a dream and in fact what she had experienced previously was the dream.

Seeing her relax, everyone in the room decided to relax, there was no more danger. Was it a demon playing with her mind in the fade that had made her experience in the gothic castle? She still had so many questions.

"I'm alright, really. I just had a bad dream." Elena pulled her blankets up all around her like if she was a child feeling guilty about something they had done.

"You were screaming bloody murder and thrashing about. Are you sure you are fine now? The whole tower probably heard you." Leliana's eyes were full of concern for her.

The door flew open and like a lightning storm, in came Irving. He stood there glaring at Gregior. "Next time you call men to come and rid the tower of an abomination, will you be so kind as to come and notify me. She was my student; I have the right to see for myself if it is real." His gaze softened as he looked to Elena, "Are you all right my dear? One of the senior mages came storming into my office yelling how they were going to kill you because you had become an abomination." He glared at Gregior again.

"Yes, I'm alright, a little embarrassed, but just fine. I had a nightmare. I didn't realize I was screaming and yelling. I'm sorry I woke everyone up." She retreated further into her blankets out of her mortification.

"Alright, well if that was all and you don't need anything, perhaps the rest of us should leave you to try and get some peaceful sleep." He looked around the room and cleared everyone out. Leliana continued to look at me with questioning eyes before getting up and looking at the first enchanter.

"First Enchanter, would you have a moment for me in your office, I have a question for you that only you can answer I'm afraid."

"Of course, come see me when you are finished here." Everyone had cleared out except for Leliana.

"If you need me for anything you can get me. Are you sure you want to be alone? I can stay here and sing for you until you fall asleep again."

Elena felt like a small child instead of the senior mage that she was. Leliana always had this way of being motherly to her; whether it was brushing her hair, or listening to her complain about something. "No, I am truly fine. I just need to get some restful sleep." She tried to smile at her, but Elena knew she wasn't fooling anyone. Leliana decided to humor her and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Too afraid of what she would dream about next, Elena sat in her bed huddling her blankets around her shaking. Was that real? Was someone reaching out to her in the fade? Could it be a demon? What did this have to do with Morrigan and her other dreams? She was so confused, not knowing what was real and what was a dream.

Leliana walked to the First Enchanters office and found him arguing with Gregior. Cullen stood dutifully in the corner with his helmet off. "Excuse me gentlemen, but I believe I have a meeting with the First Enchanter." She gave all three men a big smile and went to take a seat.

"We will continue this discussion later Irving. This isn't over. You cannot let your feelings for her cloud your judgment and put the tower at risk." With that said the knight0commander stormed out of the office with Cullen following behind.

"So little bard, what would you like to discuss with me, I'm assuming it has to do with Elena."

"Yes sir. I am worried about her. This is her third nightmare. She rarely sleeps anymore. She will not talk about this with anyone. I know of only one person that can help her, and I'll need your help in convincing her to help."

"And who might that be?"

"Wynne, She was the only one that was ever able to talk some sense into Ellie. And she was the only one that could make her open up. We need to find out what is going on with her, before something happens. I don't believe that she is becoming an abomination, but I feel like there is something calling to her, and it might destroy her if we don't act quickly."

He was silent for a moment before he spoke again, obviously processing everything that she had said. He shook his head, "You are right. I don't want anything to happen to her, and I agree that she is not and won't be an abomination. I will pen a note to her immediately and request her presence here. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, that was all I needed from you. Thank you for your help." She smiled again and got up and left.

After two hours of counting the bricks in the ceiling Elena had enough. Frustrated and confused, she threw her blankets off and pushed herself out of bed. She grabbed her robes and headed out the door, she didn't know where she was going, and she just let her feet do the walking. She felt like her brain was going to explode. So many things going through there and all of it a jumble mess. Before she knew where she was going, her feet had taken her back to the dock. She stood there with her arms wrapped around herself staring at the moon. A slight breeze was coming off the water and it made her shake. Behind her someone sighed and put a cloak around her arms and rubbed it up and down trying to warm her. She turned around and saw that it was Cullen. Of course it was him; he was always there with her when she needed someone, even before she had left the tower. They would spend hours talking sometimes.

"I saw you sneak out and I had a feeling where you were headed, and I thought I would bring you a cloak so you wouldn't get sick." He smiled at her.

"Thank you, that was very thoughtful." They were silent again, both of them staring at the open sky. The moon was full that night and it lit everything with a soft silver glow.

"I know you were there in my room when I woke up. I'm not possessed. It was just a bad dream; I seem to be having quite a few of those these says." She snorted and gave a bitter laugh. He went to give her a hug and comfort her, but his hands stopped short of her elbow. He looked down again.

"You were here when I was brought in as a child weren't you?"

He looked at her confused. "Yes, I was but a child myself, I remember the man that brought you was terrified. You had started a fire from your hands to keep yourself warm in the forest at night." He laughed to himself. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just curious if they had ever mentioned where I came from. I know that we aren't supposed to remember so that our bonds are formed to the circle, but I cannot help but wonder who my family was." She looked down at the ground with this hopeless look.

"No, No one ever said anything. The man had found you somewhere in Highever in the forests. You had an amulet with you, but I'm sure that has been lost since the tower was taken." He was staring at her. She looked so beautiful in the soft glow of the moonlight.

She started to look at him and walk towards him. He opened his arms for her and she went there gladly. She sighed in contentment. He lifted her head to his and gave her a soft, sweet kiss. She sighed again, happy. "You are so nice to comfort me and be here for me during this terrible time. With everything that is going on, it's nice to know that I have you." No words were said for a few moments, they were just standing there with arms around each other. It wasn't until her body started to get heavy that he realized that she had fallen asleep in his arms. He slowly sat down on the grass and put her head in his lab and watched her sleep. He brushed an errant hair out of her face. She moved a little and mumbled something, "Alistair." His spine straightened and he went rigid. How stupid had he been to think that she felt the same way about him. He was nothing but a stand in for the true love of her life.

He put his arms around her and lifted her up. He carried are back to the tower and up the stairs to her room. She had stayed a sleep until he had gently put her back into her bed. As he turned to leave she grabbed his arm, eyes open. "Aren't you going to stay with me?" She looked at him, innocence and dreams still in her eyes.

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Opening them again he looked at her harshly. "I'm not him Elena. I'm not Alistair and I never will be. You cannot use me to fill his place in your heart." He roughly pulled his arm out of her grip and walked out of the room leaving a confused and hurt Elena.


	6. The Next Step

Chapter 6: Piecing it together

Disclaimer: As always, Dragon Age does not belong to me. I just take creative licience.

Author's Note: I'm sorry that it has taken me a while to post a new chapter. I was on holiday in with my family and unfortunately, the Jungle in Brazil has no wifi . I will try not to go this long again.

Elena tossed and turned in her bed, mumbling incoherently to the dark night for forgiveness. Something inside of her was being called to. She woke up to the feeling that she was no alone. She opened her eyes and found Wynne sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room. She was casually assessing Elena.

"You used to be a much lighter sleeper. I have been sitting her for almost a half an hour. Has just a week here been able to erase all of that time on the road?"

"You would be amazed at what a warm bed and clean room will do for your sleeping habits. Wynne, what are you doing here? I thought you wished to stay in Denerim?" Elena gave her a confused look.

"I did, but my duty to the tower has called me back. The first enchanter has asked that I return to help rebuild the tower. With more students coming in, and not enough teachers, it is my duty to return. I must say Elena; this is the last place that I would expect you to run to. Why is it you decided to return here?"Wynne still seemed to be assessing Elena, as if there was some unspoken signal that Elena was giving off.

"This was the only place that ever really felt like home. It has however felt a slight smaller since my last visit. It also feels a little empty without… without certain people here to fill it." Elena looked to the floor at the thought of Jowan and the others that were killed in the attempted takeover.

"I must say, waking up to that wonderful letter that you had left me, and giving me the honor to be the one to share your actions with the king was most kind of you Elena. It was a very nice payment of friendship and love that we shared over the last year together." She could hear the sarcasm in her voice. It made her cringe a little, and she had the good grace to flush.

"I'm sorry. I could think of no other way. I was scared that if I told him in person, I would lose my resolve. I had to do it. It was what was best for Ferelden. But I was not sure that I had the strength to tell him. I took the cowards way and snuck off in the middle of the night. I never meant to hurt you Wynne. You were more than just my friend."

She sighed to herself and looked at Elena. "I know that dear. You could never purposely hurt anyone. I understand why you did what you did. You are correct in assuming that he would not have let you go. He was most upset when I told him. I am surprised that he did not go chasing off to find you. It was the first time that you thought of Ferelden before himself. That in its self is proof that you made the right decision."

"How… How is he?" She couldn't help herself from asking. She needed to know that he was alright.

"He is doing well. He is engaged to be married to a woman that he has never met, but is not complaining as much as one would think. He has requested your presence at his nuptials. He misses you greatly. He almost came with me. If it wasn't for Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan he would have jumped on the horse next to me and probably beat me here. You are still very much in his heat."

"I am glad that he is becoming the man and King that I knew he could be. It is sad that I could not be there to see this happen, but I know that with my influence he would never learn to do it on his own. I hope him the best on his upcoming wedding, and as I am a loyal servant to his majesty I shall attend. He will forever be in my heart." The last part was said barely above a whisper, but Wynne heard her.

"I have heard from Irving that you have been having some problems sleeping some nights. Would you care to talk about it? I am a very good listener, as you might recall." She smiled a warm smile that seemed to float toward Elena, warming the entire room.

She sighed deeply. She knew that if anyone could help her, it would be Wynne. "It is Morrigan. I think she is reaching out to me from the fade. She thinks she is in trouble and has been asking for my help. I keep asking where she is, but she doesn't tell me. Then last night… I had the strangest dream. I was the lost Heir to the Tevinter Imperium. They asked me to redeem them in the eyes of the Maker. I think they were asking me to kill Morrigan and her child. I don't know what is wrong with me. Lately I have not been feeling myself. I don't know what is going on anymore." Wynne sat patiently as Elena explained everything in detail. Her face a perfect mask, not once did she betray what she was feeling by letting it show.

"Well, the only thing we can do is wait for her to try to contact you again. Let us hope that she does so soon. For now, try to continue along as though there is nothing troubling you. I will do some research into where you come from so that you may have some piece of mind." She got up and walked to Elena; She softy patted her knee and smiled. "Now it's time to get up and get to your duties. I will be with Irving this morning if you need me." She quietly left Elena to her morning ritual.

Elena took a few more minutes sitting there, thinking about what she had said. She knew that Wynne would find nothing about her past in the tower. Whatever her past held, she knew that only the Tevinter would hold the answers she sought. The problem was getting them. Her people weren't exactly welcome there, and it is not as if you could write a letter casually asking about a person's past, especially the royal family.

The morning went along smoothly. Conner was a very bright boy, with an aptitude for knowledge. There lessons progressed quite quickly. She felt distracted through the entire thing. She kept looked around for Cullen. She had to apologize for her actions the other night. She felt awful. When they were finally finished Conner went off to play with the other boys down by the water while Elena went to her refuge in the library. She kept looking for Cullen everywhere; she had finally given up when someone had startled her.

"Are you looking for someone?" He was laughing; she could hear it in his voice.

"As a matter of fact, I was. You might have seen him. He is a young templar like you with rusty red hair and blue eyes. I really wished to apologize for my terrible behavior. I have been in a cloud of self pity the entire time I have been here. I am truly sorry. I wanted to see if we could just start over again. Be friends like we used to?" She looked so hopeful.

"I would like that. The tower would seem to quiet without you to have fun with. However, I am just getting on duty, so unfortunately I cannot do so currently. But later, I'm going to find you, and we are you to salt in all of the sugar containers." He smiled at her and returned to her post. She smiled in return. She couldn't believe that he remembered that silly prank that he, Jowan and she had done when they were children.

The month had taken on a rhythm. She was happier with Wynne here. It was as if her little family was back together again. She was happier than she had been in a long time. She would wake up at sunrise and her and Dog would take a lovely walk along the river. After her walk she would begin lessons with Conner. He was already casting minor spells much to everyone's surprise. In the afternoon she would take tea with Leliana, Wynne and Conner. Before dinner she would help Wynne in the library counting the entire book that were lost in the fighting. She would enjoy dinner in the dining hall with the others before putting in a little training of her own out by the docks. Sometimes when Cullen was able to get out of his duties he would join her. Then she would enjoy dreamless nights. It was a wonderful thing. Most people would complain if their life had this kind of a monotonous ritual to it, but Elena found it refreshing and wonderful. After a year on the road, fighting for her life every day, this was true peace.

"You're holding back!" The panting Cullen shouted to her as she threw lightening the barely missed his shoulder. He was panting and clearly out of breath. His hair still had some remains of frost from the last spell.

"I'm not trying to kill you Cullen, if that what you mean. I'm sure Gregior would not be too happy with me if he were to lose a Templar. Then I would become hunted and it would turn into this awful mess that I really do not care to deal with right now." She smiled a cocky grin at him before capturing him in a prison. She smiled triumphantly. "Ha! I win!"

The shield around him disappeared and he was free once again. "You cheated! I demand a re-match!" Cullen was pouting.

"You area such a sore loser! It was the exact same way with…." Her voice dropped away suddenly and she looked up sharply. She seemed to have this way to ruin moments. She just had to bring him up, didn't she? She wanted to hit herself.

"It was the same way with the King. That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? Ellie, its fine. We are friends, and I happen to be aware that you were once involved with his Majesty. I promise that is does not hurt my feelings to hear you speak of him." He nudged her shoulder to prove his point. "We had better get back in the tower. My night shift is about to start, and you should be getting a good night's sleep. I want no excuses tomorrow when I kick your butt." He playfully slapped her back and jogged of in the way of the library.

She climbed the two sets of stairs to reach her room. He was right, she was suddenly so tired. She barely was able to change in to her bed clothes when her eyes shut and she drifted to the fade realm. She opened her eyes to a familiar setting. She was running in the fade, not sure of what she was looking for until she heard Morrigan's voice calling for her in an urgent plea.

"Morrigan, I'm coming! Wait for me!" She began to run faster. She could see morrigan's dark hair in the distance. She finally caught up with the other mage.

"Morrigan, what is going on? Where are you? Why do you keep calling me into the fade? I don't understand what you are trying to accomplish." She felt out of breath.

"I need your help. Both of us do. I have been taken. They brought me here, but they will not kill me until the baby has been born. They are waiting for you. They know that you will come. They want to kill you and be able to use your death to start a war."

"Who is keeping you here? Who are you talking about Morrigan?"

"A small group of Tevinter. They are trying to gain power in the Imperium. They knew by holding me that you would come. The emperor has been looking for you for a long time now and they hope to enrage him with your death to start a war that will cripple the nation enough to take over. He wants to use my child to gain power. You have to stop them!"

"Where are they keeping you?"

"I am not sure. In the mountains maybe. I don't know." She started to fade. "I can't hold on any longer. Please, Ellie, help me." With her final wards she was gone.

Elena shouted her frustration. She couldn't understand how any of this was happening. Why was she so important to them? "Morrigan! Come back!" There was still nothing. Elena woke up with a jolt. She sucked in here breath. She had to do something. Action had to be taken. She would go to Wynne; she would know how to progress from here. She needed people to help; she would not be able to do this alone. She jumped out of bed and yanked her door open, almost sliding down the hall to find Wynne.


End file.
